In the age of social media, success stories and images of supposedly perfect lives, we are confronted with comparisons every day. It's difficult to free yourself from this and not think: "Everyone else has achieved more" or "I'm not good enough". Such thoughts can severely impact your own self-perception and permanently damage your self-esteem. In this article I will show you why comparisons often have negative consequences, how upward and downward comparisons work, and why comparing yourself is the better choice and a good way to increase your own self-esteem.
Upward and Downward Comparisons:
Why both are damaging to Self-Esteem.
In the psychological context we speak of social comparisons, which serve as a yardstick to classify our own worth or status. Leon Festinger, a pioneer of social psychology, describes in his theory of social comparison that people tend to compare themselves with others in order to gain a realistic picture of themselves. But such comparisons are often unconscious and often do not lead to the desired result. On the contrary - they either directly make us feel bad or they help to hide our own low self-esteem. Festinger differentiates between two main forms:
Upward Comparisons: Upward comparisons refer to people who are perceived to be “above” us – be it in terms of status, success, appearance, or abilities. These comparisons often trigger feelings of inferiority, inadequacy and dissatisfaction. They unconsciously set standards that we perceive as personal benchmarks, even when the circumstances are completely different. This can lower self-esteem as we become harsher and more critical of ourselves.
Downward Comparisons: Downward comparisons, on the other hand, are aimed at people who are supposedly “below” us. Although such comparisons can increase self-esteem in the short term by making us feel superior, this effect is usually short-lived and uncertain in nature. It is based on the fact that the weaknesses of others make us feel better - which in turn indicates that our own self-worth is not stable without this comparison.
In both cases, we focus on external factors and lose sight of the most important thing: ourselves. Self-worth becomes dependent on external influences, which makes it vulnerable and unstable. We look for a solution externally, rather than internally. The upward comparison can, as long as it only serves as an incentive - "Okay, I want to achieve that too." - also have positive characteristics. However, in order to really increase your own self-worth in the long term and deeply rooted, the solution lies in a new focus: comparing yourself with you.
The most valuable benchmark: yourself! - How to compare correctly and increase your self-esteem.
The only comparison that has a healthy and stabilizing effect in the long term is the comparison with your own development. This is about looking at progress in the areas that are important to you.
Studies on self-esteem research show that inner satisfaction is often most strongly promoted by striving for self-realization and personal success. Psychologists such as Carl Rogers, one of the leading theorists of humanistic psychology, emphasize that true self-worth is not based on external standards, but on the development and fulfillment of one's own potential.
Here are a few tips on how you can use the comparison with yourself in a targeted manner:
Recognize your successes: Make it a habit to notice your progress and achievements. Keep a diary or list in which you regularly record what you have achieved, what you have learned and in which areas you have improved. This conscious review strengthens the feeling that you are growing and developing - regardless of how others behave.
Set your own goals: Develop goals that are important to you and aligned with your interests. This could be, for example, learning a new musical instrument or a new sport. When your goals are based on your own values, comparing yourself to your own progress becomes increasingly important and fulfilling. This means that the view from the outside becomes less relevant.
Accept weaknesses as part of your development: Comparisons with others often set a perfect benchmark against which we fail. On the other hand, a healthy comparison with yourself allows you to accept weaknesses and mistakes as part of the process. Perfection is unrealistic – but growth and improvement are possible.
Conclusion: Find your own value.
Comparisons with others may be tempting, but they are ultimately a hindrance to healthy self-esteem. Only comparing yourself with your own progress is sustainable and strengthens the feeling of inner fulfillment and satisfaction. Your self-worth does not depend on what others do or achieve, but on recognizing yourself as valuable and capable - regardless of external standards.
I wish you much success with any changes and only the best
/S.Schwinnen
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